Changes.

I promised myself recently that I will take care of myself more when I finish the whole school thing. I took step one today!

Achievement Unlocked!

I went to this gym in Las Pinas and applied to become a member. It has been at least 4 years since I stepped inside a gym so I am proud of myself. :3 Tomorrow is my "trial" + consultation day in the gym and I feel excited. This is one of those moments that makes me feel like I am really moving on in life. :)

You know, my weight has been a forever issue in the family, the gossipers next door, the "friends" back then, to Christian who never fails to annoy (and sometimes offend, yes...offend xD) me about the weight jokes, and of course, to myself who keeps on comparing with other people. I want to remove that issue/insecurity forever coz I really feel like getting nowhere if I don't start with that. With what I did today, life changes step by step. :) I will work hard to deserve the happiness I've been dreaming of. YAY!

Fighting, Reese! ^_^

I was going home with Jonnah a while ago and when I woke up, we started talking about "the future". I know that I have been rambling about the future like there's no tomorrow...but it's my way of releasing the tension in my mind so...please...bear with me.

So yeah, we were talking about it and I realized that I am more scared now than ever. Due to the fact that my TOR is a very ugly sight to see, I am so unsure about finding and getting a job. Will they hire a fresh graduate with so much failing grades? :( I know I have been doing well this past two years after shifting and not to boast about it, but I have been blessed to become a part of the Dean's List for the past 6 or 7 terms but, I am so unsure about what companies will think about me. If they ask me how come I have failing grades and high grades, I can probably defend myself but....I am too unsure. I don't think it's still too early for it but, I want to assure myself and my family (although I am not particularly in good terms with everyone) that I will get somewhere. I don't want the four years I spent in college to go down the drain just because I seem incompetent, lazy or whatnot.

To add to all of the 'what ifs' in my head, Inferiority Complex at its best. I even think my skills are not good enough. I suck at teaching. I get lost in research. I feel useless. Oh well. Where do I go now? What do I do?

I have a poster and power point to finish before 12 midnight so I will end it here. :| I will try to be productive. I'll think about these things some other time.

thank you for listening to my rants and shiz.

First real conversation with father

For the first time, my dad and I talked about something that lasted for more than one minute.

That feeling when you know you're doomed.

No turning back.

Dead end.

Reese, tell this to yourself everyday.
괜찮아요.
[It's alright]
다 잘 될거야. 이게 인생이야
[Everything's gonna be alright. That's life.]
울지마요.
[Don't cry.]

3 Awesome Things This Week

1. Practicum. - I find it awesome. Finally reaching the end of the road. Time to enjoy and work harder for the final shizzles. 
2. WG. - I really love everyone. When I saw everyone and everyone hugged everyone else, I really felt...this is HOME.
3. Tomorrow. - I know tomorrow's gonna be better. I can't wait. I'm really excited.:) 

Tagboard!

Huzzah! Before I actually go back to work, I wanna create organization in this little blog so I will tag them accordingly:

Life Plans: Life After You

Warning:

Emo post below. hahaha. Read at your own risk.

Right now, I should be editing our thesis for its final submission on Wednesday but here I am writing another blog post. The reason for this blog post is the thing that has been bothering me for the longest time (at least for the last two months). 

Current Thoughts (edited post from old blog)

Things that I need to finish/worry about ASAP. le sad. Currently, I am thinking about the following things:

• Revising ze thesis
• Deadlines of ze thesis
• Japan (APECA) on May 2012 and PACERS on February 2012
• Graduation on June 2012
• Writing a letter for my practicum enrollment (stupid EDUPSY2)
• The EDUPSY1 thingy- need to FINISH ASAP
• The CNSLNG2 research paper that needs MAJOR WORK
• MONEY. I NEED LOTS OF THIS
• The Sad 2011 Christmas
• Hanging out with HS Friends
• The December 30 event
• The forum
• Grades
• Diet, Meal plans, GYM
• Life Plans
• Being taken for granted
• Thinking about why we are having a "tension"/"argument"/"fight" or something like that...now
• Thinking about why we are having a "tension"/"argument"/"fight" or something like that...now
• Thinking about why we are having a "tension"/"argument"/"fight" or something like that...now
• Thinking about why we are having a "tension"/"argument"/"fight" or something like that...now
• Thinking about why we are having a "tension"/"argument"/"fight" or something like that...now

I don't even know how I manage to live everyday with everything that I am thinking about. Gah. emotional baggage.

-SHJ