Random Rant

I was going home with Jonnah a while ago and when I woke up, we started talking about "the future". I know that I have been rambling about the future like there's no tomorrow...but it's my way of releasing the tension in my mind so...please...bear with me.

So yeah, we were talking about it and I realized that I am more scared now than ever. Due to the fact that my TOR is a very ugly sight to see, I am so unsure about finding and getting a job. Will they hire a fresh graduate with so much failing grades? :( I know I have been doing well this past two years after shifting and not to boast about it, but I have been blessed to become a part of the Dean's List for the past 6 or 7 terms but, I am so unsure about what companies will think about me. If they ask me how come I have failing grades and high grades, I can probably defend myself but....I am too unsure. I don't think it's still too early for it but, I want to assure myself and my family (although I am not particularly in good terms with everyone) that I will get somewhere. I don't want the four years I spent in college to go down the drain just because I seem incompetent, lazy or whatnot.

To add to all of the 'what ifs' in my head, Inferiority Complex at its best. I even think my skills are not good enough. I suck at teaching. I get lost in research. I feel useless. Oh well. Where do I go now? What do I do?

I have a poster and power point to finish before 12 midnight so I will end it here. :| I will try to be productive. I'll think about these things some other time.

thank you for listening to my rants and shiz.

Lost and wanting to be found.
Forever in the backdrop of someone else's spotlight.

First real conversation with father

For the first time, my dad and I talked about something that lasted for more than one minute.

That feeling when you know you're doomed.

No turning back.

Dead end.

Reese, tell this to yourself everyday.
괜찮아요.
[It's alright]
다 잘 될거야. 이게 인생이야
[Everything's gonna be alright. That's life.]
울지마요.
[Don't cry.]

asdghjklqwertyuiopzxcvbnm.

I have a lot of things in mind but I can't seem to put them in words. I just.... sigh.

T_T

3 Awesome Things This Week

1. Practicum. - I find it awesome. Finally reaching the end of the road. Time to enjoy and work harder for the final shizzles. 
2. WG. - I really love everyone. When I saw everyone and everyone hugged everyone else, I really felt...this is HOME.
3. Tomorrow. - I know tomorrow's gonna be better. I can't wait. I'm really excited.:) 

Continuing the 30 Day Challenge

I missed a few weeks of blogging and I am going back now. :D I will start from December 25 until today. :D

Day Ten: Top Five Reasons You Feel The Way You Do Right Now

1. Things are getting better and I'm feeling good about it.
2. There's this event that I have to attend on Friday...I am excited :>
3. The special class is approved (and I enrolled already! yay!). Angie and Eri are my classmates in PERSEF3. :3
4. On the other corner of my brain, I'm still not happy (sort of) and I know why...and I'm not doing anything about it. Stupid me.
5. I'm scared of the thing that I have to tell "person" after a few months. Damn. "Person" is going to be disappointed.

Christmas

Christmas used to make me happy. Really happy. Now, I feel nothing. No, a little sad...maybe. I just don't feel its meaning anymore.

I thought my Christmas-es would be better because of a promise I've held on to for some time now...but that promise...it never happened. It will probably never happen. oh well.

Anyway, back to cooking for tonight's Noche Buena.

-SHJ

Delayed Post about December 20

December 20 was the release of grades.

My heart was seriously pounding coz I feel like all my hard work's going to end up in vain. But no. Not really. :)

I checked my grades and they were all okay. Still worthy of being a dean's lister. :D I was never the type who begs for an upgrade/change of grade so I really feel contented with what I got. :) It's not that high (especially floating subjects) but for some strange reason, the feeling of contentment was greater compared to the previous terms. haha.

I feel so blessed. Things really happen because of other reasons. :)

I hope you guys also feel the same way with your grades. :)

-SHJ

Day NINE: Top Five People You’d Like To Kill

1. That Girl.
2. Annoying Neighbor
3. People who hurt the ones I love
4. That other dude.
5. @#%#$^ 

Day EIGHT: Top Five Biggest Fictional Crushes

1. Kim Joo Won (Hyun Bin) of Secret Garden - I just...waaah. I know he's your typical rich guy who falls in love with your typical not-so-rich female protagonist but there's so much depth in his character. A very realistic show. Tugs heartstrings. 
2. Shota Kazehaya (Kimi ni Todoke) - It feels good to have a guy that's so outgoing, caring and all that...It makes you feel really loved.
3. Motoharu Yano (Bokura Ga Ita) - It also makes me feel good to take care of someone...no matter how fragile and "self-blaming" that person may be. 
4. Lee Yoon Sung (Korean Adaptation of City Hunter) - He so bad ass pulling off cool stunts. Also, he's so smart. o_O I like smart guys. srsly.
5. Nickhun in We Got Married - It's actually a reality show for virtual marriages. Nickhun was a husband there and I dunno if he's really like that in real life but the way he carried himself during his broadcast....waaaaah. I want someone like him too. So caring, so loving, so sweet. waaah. o_O

Day SEVEN: Top Five Favorite Historical Figures

1. Jeanne d'Arc (Joan of Arc)
2. Ludwig Van Beethoven
3. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
4. Queen Elizabeth I
5. Henry VIII

Day SIX: Top Five Things That Happened To You This Past Year

Highlights of this Year:

1. Thesis - when you work hard, you will reap rewards. Very much like a rocky road experience but it's okay. :)
2. Reviving almost non-existent Social life - Work and then, PLAY. We shouldn't have it any other way. :) 
3. The return of the...yeah. - Not so good but life changing. 
4. Making Life Plans
5. New people.

Day FIVE: Top Five Places You’d Like To Live

Seoul, South Korea

I really I left a part of me there and no. This is not about my ex. I really like that place. I really feel comfortable here. It feels like home. 

A view of Seoul from the 63 Building. (cr: southmusic)

Day FOUR: Top Five Things About The Internet

1. A great substitute to TV's and Radios
2. An outlet of ideas
3. Increases social interaction with people you know and every other person in the planet who has access to the internet
4. Torrents
5. The best go-to place if you need to find answers

Day THREE: Top Five Names You Wish Were Yours

1. Anastacia
2. Antoinette 
3. Shin Hyun Jae or maybe Shin Yeon Jae (I really want to have my Korean name registered. Don't judge)
4. Charlotte 
5. Julienne

Day ONE: Top Five Favorite Excuses

1. I'm Okay. - Half the time I make this excuse to avoid people from poking my feelings. T_T
2. I have so many things to do. - This is true. I don't remember a time last term that I didn't have any academic requirement to do.
3. I'm not so sure. - It happens when I have an answer in mind but then again, I really feel it's not what you want to hear.
4. I forgot. - I really did forget something. I keep forgetting things that are important (most of the time...like birthdays) and the more unimportant things, they're in my memory center
5. Sorry - I apologize to people all the time. I dunno. I always feel guilty when I do weird things o_O

30 Day Challenge

Yes, I am starting today but let's assume that I started last December 16 (since it was the official start of my vacation):

Day One: Top Five Favorite Excuses

Day Two: Top Five Favorite Books You’ve Read For School

Day Three: Top Five Names You Wish Were Yours

Day Four: Top Five Favorite Things About The Internet

Day Five: Top Five Places You’d Like To Live

Day Six: Top Five Things That Happened To You This Past Year

Day Seven: Top Five Favorite Historical Figures

Day Eight: Top Five Biggest Fictional Crushes

Day Nine: Top Five People You’d Like To Kill

Day Ten: Top Five Reasons You Feel The Way You Do Right Now

Day Eleven: Top Five Languages You Wish You Were Fluent In

Day Twelve: Top Five Trends/Styles You Abhor

Day Thirteen: Top Five Dream Jobs

Day Fourteen: Top Five Things You’d Do If You Had Magical Abilities

Day Fifteen: Top Five Favorite Beverages

Day Sixteen: Top Five Things In Life You’d Like An Explanation For

Day Seventeen: Top Five Favorite Things To Do Where You Live

Day Eighteen: Top Five Favorite Sporting Events

Day Nineteen: Top Five Favorite Sandwiches

Day Twenty: Top Five Most Annoying Celebrities

Day Twenty-One: Top Five Movies You Quote Constantly

Day Twenty-Two: Top Five Sexiest People Ever (Dead Or Alive)

Day Twenty-Three: Top Five Worst Teachers You’ve Ever Had

Day Twenty-Four: Top Five Things You Do During “Me-Time”

Day Twenty-Five: Top Five Products You Most Desire

Day Twenty-Six: Top Five Most Useful Inventions

Day Twenty-Seven: Top Five Most Annoying Things About Yourself

Day Twenty-Eight: Top Five Favorite TV Shows

Day Twenty-Nine: Top Five Biggest Guilty Pleasures

Day Thirty: Top Five Favorite Song Lyrics

Today.

Just had a fight with my mom. I feel....uhm... sad.

Needed someone to talk to...but apparently, even so-called "best friend" didn't answer my call in skype so yeah. I'm just stating my current feelings here. makes you feel a little better.

Must pretend to be happy. :D

K.Thanks.Bye.