I was going home with Jonnah a while ago and when I woke up, we started talking about "the future". I know that I have been rambling about the future like there's no tomorrow...but it's my way of releasing the tension in my mind so...please...bear with me.

So yeah, we were talking about it and I realized that I am more scared now than ever. Due to the fact that my TOR is a very ugly sight to see, I am so unsure about finding and getting a job. Will they hire a fresh graduate with so much failing grades? :( I know I have been doing well this past two years after shifting and not to boast about it, but I have been blessed to become a part of the Dean's List for the past 6 or 7 terms but, I am so unsure about what companies will think about me. If they ask me how come I have failing grades and high grades, I can probably defend myself but....I am too unsure. I don't think it's still too early for it but, I want to assure myself and my family (although I am not particularly in good terms with everyone) that I will get somewhere. I don't want the four years I spent in college to go down the drain just because I seem incompetent, lazy or whatnot.

To add to all of the 'what ifs' in my head, Inferiority Complex at its best. I even think my skills are not good enough. I suck at teaching. I get lost in research. I feel useless. Oh well. Where do I go now? What do I do?

I have a poster and power point to finish before 12 midnight so I will end it here. :| I will try to be productive. I'll think about these things some other time.

thank you for listening to my rants and shiz.