Where to go?

Some people already know what they're meant to do/be for the rest of their lives...but me...I'm stuck somewhere in between and I have no idea yet.

Dreaaaaaam

Senseless post. I just want to let it all out~

This is another dream I somehow remember. Alpha waves are working man (Sorry, sudden nerd mode). Anyway, these are the things that happened:

Moving Forward

I have been ranting for the past few days about getting a job or doing something "productive". It's because I felt like I needed to. It felt as if I am obligated...but somewhere within me, I feel like not wanting to find a job at all right now and I don't know why. 30 minutes ago, a friend scheduled me for an initial job interview on Wednesday and I felt really good, at first. Right after ending our conversation, I began to feel scared and I wanted to back out. Now, I am asking myself why I am like this.

I was the one who wanted to find a freakin' job.


Now that it's there, I don't want it. Why? Why am I so scared? I somehow don't get the moving forward after college part. I know I need to learn but just like a vampire scared to step into the sunlight, I too, am scared to step out into the real world.

I am so confused.
I don't know what I want. I don't know if I'll find something that I want.


Help me.
Save me.

Changes.

I promised myself recently that I will take care of myself more when I finish the whole school thing. I took step one today!

Achievement Unlocked!

I went to this gym in Las Pinas and applied to become a member. It has been at least 4 years since I stepped inside a gym so I am proud of myself. :3 Tomorrow is my "trial" + consultation day in the gym and I feel excited. This is one of those moments that makes me feel like I am really moving on in life. :)

You know, my weight has been a forever issue in the family, the gossipers next door, the "friends" back then, to Christian who never fails to annoy (and sometimes offend, yes...offend xD) me about the weight jokes, and of course, to myself who keeps on comparing with other people. I want to remove that issue/insecurity forever coz I really feel like getting nowhere if I don't start with that. With what I did today, life changes step by step. :) I will work hard to deserve the happiness I've been dreaming of. YAY!

Fighting, Reese! ^_^

When someone else's "near future" depends on you

Bothered.

Sigh.

Hey, I am back from academic world. 

Please bear with me (again) because I'm gonna rant for a bit today.

I'm really wondering why you're so full of hate towards other people.

I'm wondering why you're way too ahead of yourself.

I'm wondering why you feel like you're always right.

I'm wondering why you're like that.

I want to try understanding you but you clam up and avoid interacting with people.

Are we that "low" for your standards?

I state my thoughts and you "anonymously" give a sarcastic remark. It makes me feel like I've done something wrong, when I really didn't. D: It's just unfair. It's unfair that your attitude does not match with your intelligence. It's such a waste.

The past two weeks.

The past two weeks have been...one of the nostalgic/busiest/craziest/stressful weeks of my last term in DLSU.

Why?

Daddy Problems.

Na-miss ko bigla tatay ko. </3
Nakakainggit yung may mga tatay na lagi lang nandyan at maayos ang relationship nila sa isa't isa.
Meron pang sinu-surprise sila ng tatay nila pagkagaling nila sa school at trabaho. Napapag-isip ako, bakit kaya kami ni papa hindi ganun? (Well, sa loob-loob ko lang alam ko namang kasalanan namin pareho eh.)
Ang sarap sabihing gusto kong magsimula kami ulit kasi feeling ko naman, hindi pa huli...kaso...ang dami kong dahilan. Ang dami kong issue sa kanya na sa mismong sarili ko, hindi ko ma-resolve. Ang dami nyang issue sakin na ayaw nyang linawin sakin. Hay. pano kaya kami?

Random Rant

I'm not the only one, you know?

Am I giving a very warm vibe to my students?

I don't want to think so high about myself but I am finding it really weird that a lot of students go to me for consultation/tutorial. It's really bothering me. I mean, I gave off this "serious teacher" vibe every time I am in class...but...the tutorials kept coming. I even started rejecting schedules for this week coz it made my social life suffocate again. Just like the old days.

The things that happened while my internet died this morning

Me to myself: Reese, here is a list of things that you've realized in the past weeks.

Happy Hearts Day

Today was a roller coaster ride. A fun one. For the first time ever, I actually enjoyed my LEAP! :)

• Basic Korean Class with Eri~ and nae dongsaengs who got surprised when I entered the room
• Buying things from the 'market' with only 3000 won and a 1000 won donation from Eri
• Jang Geun Seuk's face. You should be my pet...FOREVER. Oh, bring Song Joong Ki too!
• Work- poster making + tarpaulin printing + getting frustrated with the forever slow computer
• Cheap lunch + Wicked Oreos with Rachelle
• Insiang LEAP
• CHRIS KENDALL. - The perfect date for V-Day!=)) and I will finish the date with him tonight! :D
• Actually finishing work shizzles
• Going home early
• Unexpected surprises!
• Happiness all throughout the day :3

For the first time in my life, I have experienced the feeling of being happy on a very special holiday with just memories to treasure for the rest of my life. Thank you friends and person! :)


On a side note...

Dear person, 
That moment when time seemed to stop and all you made me feel is pure happiness, that's the best gift you have ever given me. Thank you. Those 30 minutes was better than any flower, chocolate, or gift any other person received today. I am truly happy. :) Let's stay like this forever. haha. Jeongmal gomawo, oppa.

Yours,

Yeon Jae

I was going home with Jonnah a while ago and when I woke up, we started talking about "the future". I know that I have been rambling about the future like there's no tomorrow...but it's my way of releasing the tension in my mind so...please...bear with me.

So yeah, we were talking about it and I realized that I am more scared now than ever. Due to the fact that my TOR is a very ugly sight to see, I am so unsure about finding and getting a job. Will they hire a fresh graduate with so much failing grades? :( I know I have been doing well this past two years after shifting and not to boast about it, but I have been blessed to become a part of the Dean's List for the past 6 or 7 terms but, I am so unsure about what companies will think about me. If they ask me how come I have failing grades and high grades, I can probably defend myself but....I am too unsure. I don't think it's still too early for it but, I want to assure myself and my family (although I am not particularly in good terms with everyone) that I will get somewhere. I don't want the four years I spent in college to go down the drain just because I seem incompetent, lazy or whatnot.

To add to all of the 'what ifs' in my head, Inferiority Complex at its best. I even think my skills are not good enough. I suck at teaching. I get lost in research. I feel useless. Oh well. Where do I go now? What do I do?

I have a poster and power point to finish before 12 midnight so I will end it here. :| I will try to be productive. I'll think about these things some other time.

thank you for listening to my rants and shiz.

random. me over the years. :))

This is quite a senseless post. Sorry. o_O :D
Myself over the years.
Forgive me but I just realized that it has been a long time since I felt my natural hair, hihi. I braided my hair this afternoon and I got this:

I know it's uglehhh~~~

Natural hair + curlers (2007)

Spot me!:) (2008)

2012

It's been a long time. Waaaah. Should I just go back to my natural hair? :)))) which one looks better? the straight one, the curly one or the bob cut? :D

Gah. stesss~s

I feel so bad talking about this but...

Lost and wanting to be found.
Forever in the backdrop of someone else's spotlight.

First real conversation with father

For the first time, my dad and I talked about something that lasted for more than one minute.

After getting a night's sleep, chocolate, variety show marathon, psychological profile revisiting and hours of crying or crying + laughing...I was able to console myself somehow. Today, I am back to square one. Time to REALLY move forward. Time to let go.

I can get through this. :)

SOPA is dead.

At least that's what they say. The  US Congressman who propositioned it FINALLY pulling the bill out! (YAY! For us!) CLICK HERE TO READ THE ARTICLE

 I seriously hope this is legit. Now, I NEED MEGAUPLOAD BACK.

Megaupload getting resurrected

That feeling when you know you're doomed.

No turning back.

Dead end.

Reese, tell this to yourself everyday.
괜찮아요.
[It's alright]
다 잘 될거야. 이게 인생이야
[Everything's gonna be alright. That's life.]
울지마요.
[Don't cry.]

asdghjklqwertyuiopzxcvbnm.

I have a lot of things in mind but I can't seem to put them in words. I just.... sigh.

T_T

PERSEF3 Shindigs!

This post is for my PERSEF3 mates, Eri and Angie :)

The assignment :D

It feels like I haven't seen you in months even if only 4 days have come and gone. Life is incomplete without you. I find this weird coz I only realized it now. No one to turn to. How long can I survive this?

3 Awesome Things This Week

1. Practicum. - I find it awesome. Finally reaching the end of the road. Time to enjoy and work harder for the final shizzles. 
2. WG. - I really love everyone. When I saw everyone and everyone hugged everyone else, I really felt...this is HOME.
3. Tomorrow. - I know tomorrow's gonna be better. I can't wait. I'm really excited.:) 

Continuing the 30 Day Challenge

I missed a few weeks of blogging and I am going back now. :D I will start from December 25 until today. :D

Day Ten: Top Five Reasons You Feel The Way You Do Right Now

1. Things are getting better and I'm feeling good about it.
2. There's this event that I have to attend on Friday...I am excited :>
3. The special class is approved (and I enrolled already! yay!). Angie and Eri are my classmates in PERSEF3. :3
4. On the other corner of my brain, I'm still not happy (sort of) and I know why...and I'm not doing anything about it. Stupid me.
5. I'm scared of the thing that I have to tell "person" after a few months. Damn. "Person" is going to be disappointed.